Silence Speaks Volumes

Welcome to the longest hour of my life. I was not even three minutes into my hour before I was dying to come out and speak my mind. Given the situation you would totally understand why. I was with my boyfriend, Rex Self, driving to Red Knolls with a truck full of college students as well as three trailing cars cramming with all our friends. The activity was to climb this outrageously steep mountain to star gaze and hit golf balls off the top. This would absolutely be a place where I would normally be social. This assignment made me go outside of myself to really evaluate the contribution that I have in my relationships with others. Do I add to the conversation? Do my friends expect me to talk because that is what they are used to? Would my friends realize I wasn't talking? How hard would they try to get me re-involved and talking again? My goal going into this assignment was to answer these alarming questions as the night commenced.

The glowing red numbers 8:30 were embedded into my brain as I made the personal decision to refrain from talking for an entire hour. Rex was driving Baylee's truck and was trying ever so hard to strike up a conversation with me. We had just had a little fight about my previous tee-peeing in high school with my brothers. Rex literally thought that I was upset at him for getting on me about not feeling bad about littering a stranger's yard. He kept saying it isn't normal like I had previously said. How I would of loved to be able to respond to that comment, but no I was determined to follow this assignment all the way through. Rex would make snide remarks dripped in sarcasm like, “Okay Miss Communications Major you're doing a good job at communicating.” I would simply respond my taking a bite of my Nutty Bar and looking away. Another time Rex actually brought up a past relationship where a girl didn't talk to him for an entire car ride and made him feel like I was then. What a low blow is all I could think. I would take his hand in mine smile then continue to look at the road ahead. Currently it had only been 13 minutes before Rex just came out and said that I should try speaking my feelings instead of keeping them inside. This was so funny to me because I wasn't mad at all about him not approving of my tee-peeing, I don't need his approval because it already happened and I don't currently do it in my life so it was not a big deal. Thanks to this assignment it became a big deal. Rex would not let it drop even when he was struggling to maneuver his way around the big holes in the road without making it too bumpy of a ride for the people in the back. I would just scratch his back letting him know through my non-verbal’s that everything would be okay eventually when I could actually vocalize my feelings. All in due time was my motto for the night. I would literally have to remind myself that I could just clear things up later.

Arriving at the Red Knolls I was greeted by all walks of different friends that were taken aback when I didn't say hello back. Typically, I'm the type of person that cares about others and would always ask for an update about their life or, at least, how they were doing that day. I was violating their expectations of me by not responding. However I would still smile and give them a big wave letting them know I was happy to see them. Some of the reactions I got were weird looks, double takes to see if I really wasn't talking, and lots of friends asking what's wrong. Obviously nothing was wrong with me, but I can see how my friends would think that. When I'm happy I tend to be really loud and vocal about my life, so I feel that my friends thought that I was upset or sad because I was being quiet. Quiet is not something that I am. It was fun getting all these different reactions because my being silent was just so foreign to them.

Hiking up a huge mountain not being able to speak and no flashlight is one of the dumbest things I have ever done. Good thing Rex would lead me up and look back to see if I needed help. Even though I wasn't talking to him and he thought I was mad about our little discussion he still wasn't giving up. He would ask me questions about my reasoning behind not talking. Rex knows me and figured that I just made a personal commitment to not respond because I didn't want to say something I would regret. This was not the case at all but I think it is cute that he was thinking so hard about it. Rex stated that it was like I was Ariel in The Little Mermaid which made me laugh really hard on the inside. We were sitting atop the rocks feet above the ground holding hands and looking out on the stars. Rex asked if I wouldn't talk to him about our disagreement I could at least tell him the names of the stars. I just got done with an intense astronomy star-gazing lab and knew all the different constellations and their names. I had to shake my head to comply with my assignment, but my lack of being able to speak to Rex was difficult. I really wanted to teach him about the stars and I always want to make good use of our time together, but I learned so much by simply not talking. I observed that Rex really cares. He never gave up on trying getting me to talk. He constantly asked questions trying to understand my purpose behind being quiet. Rex noticed that I was struggling and being the romantic that he is asked if a kiss would break the spell. I shook my head no, only time could do that. This experiment actually opened my eyes to the fact that Rex won't ever give up on me. It was just a nice sentiment to come to the realization of.

The group caught up with us and we proceeded to climb up the ever so sketchy mountain. I would help give people a hand and it would irritate my friends when I didn't say you’re welcome to their thanks. Some of my guy friends would pretend to throw me down a hole in an attempt to get a scream out of me. I remained strong through it all and didn't peep one single word. Getting out the golf balls and covering them in the liquid from broken glow-in-the-dark sticks was an extremely messy process. Rex would put it in my hair trying to get me to react; the things I had to endure for this assignment were definitely tests on my self-control. Then some Australian guy named Ryan came and taught me how to hit the golf ball with the gavel after I miserably failed twice in front of everyone. People would be like, “I bet Taylor wish she could say something right about now.” Yes, yes she would! Eventually I took a depth breath, ignored by embarrassment, and then managed to properly hit the golf ball off the edge. In the midst of my celebration I realized that it had been a long time since I had seen what time it was. I left my phone back in the truck because I wasn’t allowed to use it. I ran over to Rex that was telling me good job very sarcastically, but I interrupted him by commencing in a play by role of charades. I would point at the wrist and tap my finger impatiently. Rex eventually caught on saying, “Taylor it’s 9:30.” I don’t think there had ever been happier words in the history of forever. I could talk again! The first thing I said was, “I’m sorry,” and proceeded to debrief my concerned boyfriend of my assignment. Rex, along with all our friends, died laughing. They thought it was the funniest thing that I had an actual assignment that required me to not talk. Rex was extremely impressed that I went through with it and thought it was great how I went about everything. Looking back he noticed how my non-verbal’s where always comforting and understanding. The group immediately wanted to know all the stars in the night sky so for the rest of the night I would guide others to the knowledge of our universe and enjoyed the serene moment of my night at Red Knolls.

My goals for this assignment were all met by my wonderfully dedicated boyfriend along with my close friends. Everyone was worried about me because I was quiet, but after the fact they all just thought it was really cool that I pulled it off so well. They all thought Rex and I were in a bad fight and I was giving him the silent treatment. I am obviously not that immature, but I could see by the way I was acting how my behavior would have conveyed that. My roommates were all super mad at me for avoiding them all night, but I know how they can get me to laugh at the worst of times, to me, it wasn’t worth the risk. The lesson that this experiment taught me was that silence speaks volumes. There is a hidden meaning behind remaining silent that I never fully understand before that night. People truly read too much into my behavior. Everything I did had to have a purpose. I wasn’t expected to be quiet that night; all my friends wanted me to be my loud and fun self. Good thing it was only for one long hour of one eye-opening night, underneath the stars, surrounded by my friends in the dead of the night. Not only did I learn that my contribution to conversation is appreciated and expected, but it was also missed in the short time period that I choose to refrain from utilizing my ability to communicate.