Friday, January 24, 2014

Stop to Think

Today I had quite the experience talking with one of my professors. Mr. Morris was my favorite teacher last semester and he actually made me understand Astronomy. He is extremely passionate and I learned a lot from him. I went in to visit him inquiring about the letter of recommendation he is writing about me and the conversation came alive. We talked about like everything. He taught me about learning, feeling, and intuition. He was at the height of his career and would have been a millionaire in tens years at his first like awesome job, but he didn't feel passionate about his work. He downgraded to a University to start teaching again and he new it was a smart decision for him. Still he didn't feel self-fulfilled and ya know happy. He then downgraded even lower to a public college which just happens to be mine. EAC made him happy. He loves his job. He gave away so much worldly success such as money and traded it in for a happier life. His happiness scale has skyrocketed even though his financial situation has become much, much less. He stills has enough for everything he needs. We talked about the difference between needs and wants. A need is necessary and more important then a temporarily want that can be put off. Makes me wonder what I put off in order to fulfill a more immediate need. Life is about choices and knowing that we are a summation of all our experiences. Experience follows a choice. I learned that today. He spoke of adventure. And the many foreign countries he has been too. He has seen the world and been better for it. He talked of all the planes he went on and I told him my anxiety with planes. Bad idea. Now he wants to get his friend who flies a smaller plane to take me for a ride to make me embrace my fear. Alright if I get seriously anxious in a huge, modern plane can you imagine how terribly I would handle not just being in, but flying in a small plane that is probably thirty years old??? I'd break under that kind of stress. We laughed it off then he got serious. He looked me in the eye and said, "Taylor you are unique...there is something so different and unique about who you are that you don't even know yet. Someday you will, but for right now only other people can see it. Don't loss it. Don't get married too young. Take an adventure and discover that part of you before you take that kind of step." Okay. Let me tell you I was kind of shocked. I never told him I was dating anyone or that I was in need of advice, he just said it. And it made me stop to think. Although he made a good point about finding and discovering myself I don't think that he had any real authority to talk to me about my personal life. He proposed to his wife SIX days after he met her. Anyways I told him thanks for caring and all. But then he told me my adventure should be to travel to a foreign country or go a mission, but again he cautioned me to not get married too young. He said you need to discover yourself, that part of yourself, before stepping into marriage. It was so random, sincere, and out of the blue but, I cannot get what he said out of my head. I still want Rex. That won't change. Ever. How I see myself has changed. Not of my spiritual identity of being a daughter of God, but the type of person I am in aspiring to be like my Father in Heaven. When someone tells you that you are special most the time it just goes over our heads because our parents, primary leaders, and friends tell us that all the time. But when a person you hardly know says it, it makes you start to believe it. I have an idea of who I am, ya know, but he made me think. Like really think, Who is Taylor?

Thursday, January 2, 2014

My Birthday!!!


Birthday's are one of my favorites ever. I love when it's my birthday. Having a birthday makes me feel like I matter and that people care enough about me to celebrate my existence! It's great! Ever since I was a little girl I have always soaked up to the spotlight and loved to be the center of attention...just not for too long or I tend to get embarrassed. For my 19th birthday I spent it with Rex and his family. I was sooo excited to turn 19 because people would stop making fun of me for being so young and Rex for dating an 18 year old. That all change with the beautiful timing of that December day. I fell asleep the night before reading one of my favorite books and remember waking up refreshed. I was happy and felt content. I kept thinking to myself that it was my birthday and that it couldn't be because it didn't feel like it. What I meant by this was, yes, it was my birthday, but it just felt different when I wasn't with my own family. Usually I would be jumped on by all my brothers and spanked viciously. That is how I was used to waking up. It was really nice just waking up peacefully and having a little alone time to myself as I got ready for church. Rex eventually made his way to me and gave me a big birthday hug! He even surprised me with Eclipse tickets! He is so sweet. His family had planned to make this huge breakfast meal, but we all forgot it was Fast Sunday. Haha. That was totally okay with me. I actually still laugh about it at times. We had a nice time at church and had a big presentation on Family History work that was really insightful. Rex, his dad, and his little brother Kevin all wore Christmas ties to church that day without discussing it. They all thought they were pretty in-sync. It was great so we took a pic of them. We headed back to their home to make Alfredo sauce for my birthday dinner. I would try to help, but they wouldn't let me so when my dad called I picked up. He told me his wished me the best and was glad I was happy even though we were missing each other. This was my first birthday away from home and it was just a little different. Still amazing though! We loaded up the car with all the goods and drove to Rex's Aunt Debbie and Uncle Dave's home. I was blown away. All his family were so kind, sincere, and thoughtful! They all went out of their way to make this big meal for me. It was so nice and I will never forget their kindness towards me. It was a delicious Italiano meal and I enjoyed it a lot. They even had gifts for me! I wasn't expecting anything because I had already received a package in the mail from home with the book I wanted, andes mints, and a thoughtful card. That was all I needed! Haha. Rex was too amazing and I still remember the way he made me feel that day. He made me feel special, important, and beautiful! Rex got me this gorgeous turquoise bracelet that I absolutely love. Every time I wear my bracelet from Rex it makes me feel prettier. I got a cute scarf from my cousin Kelsey that I really liked too. I was so happy with how everything was going and I couldn't think of anything that could top my day so far. I was wrong. Here comes Rex walking in holding my lite up birthday cake singing Happy Birthday to me. All the family joined in, singing in this loud, off-tune opera sort of way that made me laugh! It suddenly hit me that I was supposed to make a birthday wish. I wished for the one thing I wanted more than anything. Rex placed my cake in front of me and it looked scarily similar to the one my mom makes me every year. I closed my eyes breathed in and with one big blow I blew out all my candles. As they cut the cake I discovered that it was the cake my mom always makes! I found out that Rex texted my brother to ask my mom for her recipe! I was so impressed! I had no idea that Rex went behind my back to surprise me! It was great! Rex is just sneaky I guess. We all played the card game Scum which is fitting because I love to play cards. We had to cut the party short and head back to EAC before it got too late. We loaded our baggage in his car and hugged his family goodbye. His mom Beth and his dad Scott were more than hospitable to me and I am still so thankful and appreciative of all they did for me that weekend. The drive back to college was strengthened and was really healthy for our relationship. We talked about a lot of really serious issues like EFY this summer, bank accounts, and our intentions. We also laughed and told each other stories. Rex drove me to the Snowflake temple because the fog was so thick we couldn't see it from the road. I asked Rex to sing me some Christmas songs. As Rex was singing to me I would just stare at him thinking about how lucky I am that I not only know him, but am somehow dating this wonderfully, amazing man. Rex started singing I love to see the temple as we passed the Gila Valley Temple. The second verse of the song talks about being sealed for time and all eternity. I knew as Rex sang to me that he was hoping that someday he would go inside one day with me at his side for just that reason. That is a nice thought. Reality set in as we parked across from my apartment. I thanked Rex for all the efforts he made on my behalf and how I loved all my surprises. Rex is just so thoughtful! Rex and I shared a kiss. Rex stared into my eyes for what felt like forever that was really a few seconds and with his hands on my face he told me that he loved me. Rex had actually said, "Taylor, I love you." They have never been more beautiful words said. Ever. I immediately told him that I loved him back! I was so happy! I was grinning from ear to ear. Rex told me that I couldn't stop smiling and honestly I couldn't. Rex had made my birthday wish come true without even knowing it. All I wanted for my birthday was to hear Rex say that he loved me. I have never been in love before so I didn't know what love is. I had been pondering, thinking, and deciding for myself what love was to me. By Rex proclaiming his feelings for me makes me think that he had been thinking about what love was regarding me. Exchanging the words I love you for the first time with Rex was sincere, a wish come true, and a moment I will cherish forever. Knowing that Rex really and truly loved me was the best birthday gift I could of ever received!